Manyana

In Hispanic culture, there is no dichotomy for work and leisure; they are a yin and yang. As a consequence, there is not distinction between today and tomorrow, and “Nos veremos manyana un cuarto p’las cuatro.” (“We’ll get together tomorrow at a quarter to four”)really means “sometime tomorrow afternoon if we, by freakish mutual coincidence, happen to both be up for it at the same time tomorrow afternoon.”
Tomorrow is full of all the promise not present today, but tomorrow everything can explode, as it often has in the past. If tomorrow is postponed until tomorrow, than it will always hold promise and the worst will be diluted or left for one day after I die. In the meantime, the promise of tomorrow remains plausible. This is the dreary dreamer strategy: seize the day tomorrow because tomorrow could be worse than today, so you should enjoy life today, all the while rehearsing the delusions needed to feel happy about tomorrow’s potential.
This creates a lifestyle that, to the outsider from a linear culture where tomorrow is traditionally better than yesterday, is exasperating because nothing gets done when it is supposed to –if it ever does. If you come from one of those cultures, you need only one tip: take a book or a beer with you wherever you go.
A routine visit to the bank could take hours and is likely to be closed because a past dictator, who didn’t steal that much money or kill too many women, children and priests died on that day; in other words, it is a national holiday. Or you may find that there is some bizarre rule that has been put in place to make the local branch manager feel like a big man when people come begging to him to make an exception. In any case, the more ordinary, simple, and standard the errand, the more likely it will blossom into an ordeal that consumes at least a day. So maybe carry two books and a six pack.
You may think that the choice between six pack and book is a personal choice, but it is not. It is dictated by strict social norms. First and foremost, don’t read anywhere where being perceived is crazy is preferable. For example, don’t read on the bus. You are going to get mugged or swindled. It says to locals, “I am naïve; please, I deserve to be conned.” If in doubt, it is usually much better to be drinking a beer. This says, “I am not all there; that is why I am riding this bus instead of making millions of dollars a year back in my wealthy home country.” As a consequence, you will meet other crazy people, which will protect you from the rivals of the crazy people you are drinking with. This is better than worrying about all the crazy people. So you better the odds when you signal that you are crazy.
There only two places where a book is preferable: government buildings and banks. These are places where the most anal Hispanic people are likely to be, and a book will flatter them accordingly. Name dropping, if you can pull it off, is the preferred method of greasing the bureaucracy. Say something like, “Don [local oligarch’s last name] lent this book to me. He says I will understand the country better.” Every stamp you need will happen, if the government is right wing or you are in any bank that has not been recently nationalized and plundered. However, in a left wing country, whip out the book of some local left wing hack, and simply say, “Quiero aprender, por eso leo este libro.” Your local left wing 3rd grade educated government clerk-thug, who was appointed to his post because he convinced all his squatter shanty town friends to vote for Hugo Chavez, will soak it up. You are good to go, mi amigo.
In just about any other place, beer is best. Grocery stores, public transit, restaurants, funerals, sidewalks, bathrooms, public parks, archaeological sites, highways, stop lights, commuter flights, army barracks, border crossings, anyplace where you have agreed to meet anyone (who probably won’t show up anyway)… these are all good places to have a beer.
Drink enough and you will quickly assimilate, blowing off appointments, and making life-long friends every day. If you are white or Asian and have come to believe these people need a mano dura, you have the option of becoming a local oligarch or dictator. If you are black, stick to black people and drink; that is all anyone expects you to do. Finally, there is a good chance, if you are the type who saved up $1000 to travel through Spain or Latin America, that you may like beer and books. For that, go to the same cafés you would hang out at home, or just stay home. Whatever you do, don’t be seen with a Lonely Planet guide book. Since the essence of Hispanic culture is to improvise and leave all serious matters for another day (preferably the day after you die), planning your vacation is antithetical and offensive to local culture.